Frenz and fiends. As we enter the pagan feast season it seems wise to paint more psychedelic wrestlers. Behold the first three daubings: The mystic Kendo Nagasaki. Look at him. But don't look at him, and for God's sake do not spill his pint. Then Les Kellett, perhaps the most 'occult' of the golden age of wrestlers. I have rendered him channelling The Fall's Spectre Versus Rector, and laughing his fucking head off. And finally in this instalment I present 'Cyanide' Sid Cooper. A classic heel and bad man - here Sid from Yorkshire contemplates Satan, the Lord of fallen angels.
This painting is acrylic on canvas 30cm x 30cm edition 1 of 1. Painted and signed by Luke Haines
This painting is acrylic on canvas 30cm x 30cm edition 1 of 1. Painted and signed by Luke Haines. NOW SOLD OUT.
This painting is acrylic on canvas 25cm x 30cm edition 1 of 1. Painted and signed by Luke Haines. NOW SOLD OUT
'RIGHTEOUS' PAINTINGS By Luke Haines. LIMITED EDITION OF 20
Available for 7 days only (Closes midnight Monday 16th November)
Hail Frenz and Fiends.
It has been a busy year. A year of the mini album, a 'Raving' LP, a cookbook, and of course my current 'waxwork': 'British Nuclear Bunkers'. A righteous year for me and hopefully for you brothers and sisters. To end the year I decided to pick up my paintbrushes, put on my Pete Townshend boiler-suit and size 50 DMs – and take to the canvas. This particular canvas is a limited edition of 20 individual 'Righteous' paintings, available in Maoist red and white and revolutionary black on red. These paintings are so revolutionary that they will only be available for 7 days.
So look, feel the power of the righteous fist salute, and don't let the heat run you off the streets.
Luke Haines, Baron of Righteousness. South England. 9th November 2015
Example of three Righteous paintings in a row
'Righteous' Painting. Ltd edition of 20 individual paintings by Luke Haines. Acrylic on canvas. 25cm by 30cm. Each painting will be signed by the artist.
'Raving' is the new Outsider Music CD
by Luke Haines: An album, a folk-ART statement and instant
collector's item. Each of the 75 CDs contains a separate performance
of the 12- 14 songs that make up the 'Raving' album/ART statement.
Let's put that another way: Luke Haines has recorded this album 75
times (he is very tired). For you. For art. Each CD of 'Raving' is
recorded live to tape with minimal overdubs and lasts between 30 –
35 minutes. Mr. Haines plays some of the instruments simultaneously.
Here's a bit of blurb about the tracks on 'Raving':
'Marc Bolan Blues' – 'Sitting
here with the Marc Bolan blues...' a self explanatory boogie
'The Incredible String Band' –
The story of how the ISB discovered Scientology. In song. With Kazoo
Chris From The Stars - A
song about a mythological character from teen soap 'Hollyoaks.' The
elusive 'Chris' lures the songs narrator into a dance of death. A
harmonium drone with tape effects - all played simultaneously.
Herbie Hancock Has An Idea – The
synth jazz pioneer is hungry. He needs spicy pizza. Originally titled
'Hungry Herbie.' Features an overdubbed 'Korg Attack' synth' solo.
'68p In My Pocket' –
You all know Iggy's 'I've got my cock in my pocket.' You may also
know the Velvet Undergrounds' 'Fever In My Pocket.' Well, this is a
song about a man who has 68p in his pocket.
Hey Bobby –
Bobby is a modern day Mad Hatter. Sometimes he's here - sometimes he
isn't. Sometimes he crops up in other songs. That's Bobby for you.
Makin' The Ladies Cry
– A man who has an unfortunate habit of reducing every woman he
meets to tears. No one knows why.
'I'm sticky like the fluff on your chin. I'm dusty like dusty bin.'
Goes the song.
Bomber Jacket –
A song that didn't make it on the Auteurs Bootboys album because I
could never finish it. Now I have. Some things are worth waiting for.
Impossible Art Band
– A spoken word album wrapped up in under a minute. Frank Zappa's
entire career reduction. 4 instruments played simultaneously
including a reversed backwards piano. (Bobby sometimes creeps into
Rave – After
New Pagan Sun
– A retelling of the 1980 Dart World Championship...
will be available to buy on Thursday 26th
February, from the Outsider Music Blog website only. Each CD has an
individually hand drawn/painted cover, and is signed, by Luke Haines.
'Raving' is an extremely limited release of 75
copies only. Each one is entirely different. Each CD is £75 inc P&P - see Paypal menu for worldwide options.
A litre of beef stock (real or made
with fucking beef stock cube)
Scraps of left over beef (optional)
A few slices of Emmental cheese
Drugs, as we all know, are incredibly
good for you. I'm not talking penicillin, antibiotics, aspirin, Mars
Bars. I'm talkin' 'bout street drugs brother. Speed cut with
Domestos, Julie Acid. Skag drugs. H. Henry the Horse. Harry the Hill,
Howard the Goodall. Once, various mimsies decried the use of these
fun recreational items (drugz) – 'Ooh no! you will git addicted and
you will die like Bam Bam out of Grange Hill School' they squealed.
Luckily these lust-less pipsqueaks have been righteously deposed by
the forward-thinking warlocks and occultists who now run our
sequinned cuntry. drugzzz make you confident, they make you live long
and they bring you out of yourself. Let's fucking cook. Mother, bring
me my drug onions, I'm going to make soup.
By the useful narrative device known as
'just making shit up' you have found yourself in New York's not-yet
gentrified Bowery, in the very early 80s. Let's say it's 1981, or
'82, it doesn't really matter because you are on so many drugs you
could be anywhere. The drugs have, of course, made you super healthy
and have given you a massive heart attack... No, that's wrong I meant
to say massive appetite. Yes, you have a massive appetite because you
have just taken a load of drugz. The only real downside of your
massive drug consumption is that it uses up all your money and now
all you've got left to eat is 4 – 6 brown onions, a few cloves of
garlic, a pinch of 'brown' sugar, an unhealthy glug of vermouth or
white wine, a litre of beef stock, scraps of leftover beef, a few
slices of emmental cheese, and some French bread. Fantastically –
and this is probably another by-product of your drug addiction –
all these ingredients can be used to cook up an easy (and healthy -
though not as healthy as your H) French Onion soup. Or for you, my
junky friend – Drug Onion Soup.
So, Cook. Cook it cunt. Fucking cook
you fucker. You Chinese fucking zoo man. You fucking no headed
remedialist. Fucking stop fucking around fucking cook. Fuck-legged
Heat up some oil in a heavy saucepan,
now thinly slice the onions. That's slice not chop. Only retards
chop, you my are a free thinker: a freetard. Freetards slice, retards
chop. Now, with the drug onions all nicely sliced chuck 'em in the
saucepan. Now cook on a high heat whilst continually stirring. The
onions must not stick to the pan. Once golden and a little brown
round the edges turn the heat way down. Chuck in the drug garlic and
add a pinch of sugar. You're going to leave this mush of drug onions
to very gently cook for about 25 minutes. Sweeten the fuck up. Now go
outside and smash your head repeatedly against the sharp corner of an
upended paving stone. (Optional.)
Now would be the perfect time to stick
some drugs up your drug arms, that is after all the reason that God
gave you six arms. So, the music to accompany this pot of fucked
onions? You're probably thinking Johnny Thunders and the
Heartbreakers. You were probably with Johnny last night at the Mudd
club. Perhaps he was hitting you over the head with his guitar.
Perhaps you are Johnny Thunders. It doesn't matter because we are not
playing Johnny Thunders. We're going to go for something a little
less obvious: Lou Reeds' 1978 live album 'Take No Prisoners.'
'Take No Prisoners' is a live album
unlike any other. Throughout the 70s the live album became the
de-rigueur contractual obligation album for the artist and ,for the
punter, a cheap (they were usually doubles at single lp price)
greatest hits bashed-through juke box. 'Take No Prisoners' is neither
of these fucking 'things.' Recorded at New Yorks bottom line club,
Lou in 'playful' mood murders his greatest songs (you get the
impression on listening to this album that 'playful' for Lou would be
murderous for anyone else) Over a backing band comprising of men
mainly called 'Marty' and sounding only like an over-testosteroned E
Street band. (If you don't like sax then you'll like it even less
after listening to this.) Lou doesn't bother singing. He just
harangues: the audience, the head of his record label, the critic
Robert Christgau – who Lou calls a 'Toe fucker.' Lou even has an
argument with himself. It's a shame that old Lou Reed has saddled
himself with such a non-life enhancing reputation. 'Take No
Prisoners' really is a blast in a NY wise guy punching himself (and
everyone else) in the face kinda way.
Punch yourself in the face now you
gouched out feckless goat. The drug onions are calling you, they are
saying 'please mr junkie cover us in a leetle Vermouth so we bubble
exitedly.' Do it now skag dad. Then add the stock and bring it to the
boil and simmer, with saucepan lid off, for about an hour. Or until
Lou Reed calls you a 'toe fucker.'
Now, you've got time to sing a song to
the drug onions. Tell them you love them, and that you can't live
without them. Tell them you are going to Reno with a man called Iain.
To serve, melt some emmental on to the
french bread and chuck the toastie cheese bread into the drug onion
soup. Now then Duncan, it's time to Plate. The. Fuck. Up.
UPDATE: Because of the amazing (relative) popularity of my LOU REED LOU REED paintings, I have decided to commit brush to paint and 'do' ten more. Hurry and 'get in' before Christmas.
'LOU REED LOU REED' - A limited edition of 10 acrylic on canvas paintings by Luke Haines (30cm x 40cm)
Art lovers, art haters. The paint brushes whisper to me in the dead of night. They say 'Leave us alone, go back to sleep.' But I take heed of no man or brush. Like Ron Wood, I paint when I want to, and I want to paint.
This super limited edition (10 only) of new paintings, is based upon my new elpee 'New York In The '70s.' On which I sing the words 'Lou Reed Lou Reed' 68 times. Obviously, I can't paint 'Lou' 68 times, but I can paint him ten times. On the album I sing 'If variety is all that you're after, then get the fuck out of the church of repetition man, cos you're interrupting a master.' Repetition. 68 'Lou Reeds' you can put in your ears, and ten 'Lou Reeds' you can have on your wall. All art is repetition.
Each painting is in monochrome: blue, red, green, and black. Some even have 'cut ups' on them (from an email with a real 'NY Star. The words 'Mythic Muthafucking Rock N Roll' are daubed on the back frame. So, kick the smack and spend your money on art instead.
(Unfortunately you cannot request a specific colour painting - they will be distributed randomly.)
These two original comic strips were commissioned by Eddie Argos and Art Brut for an i-tunes app for 'Art Brut's Greatest Hits.'
The first one 'Good Weekend' (2xA4 ink on Bristol board, unframed) features a confused Sunn O))) contemplating a future with brand new member Eddie Argos; Imagine this collaboration instead of t' O)))'s somewhat predictable pairing with reclusive (but not really) high singing man Scott Walker. Imagine.
The second comic strip 'Modern Art' (1xA3 ink on Bristol board, unframed) features our (your) hero Eddie contemplating Modern Art, just like he does in the famous Art Brut song of the same name. Is there a connection to Tony Hancock's masterpiece 'The Rebel' in these black n white lines? There is.
Both comic strips are signed by the artist Luke Haines.