Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Rabbit stew with apparition of Dave Brock

Serves 2.
You will need:

1 medium sized rabbit. (preferably jointed and with liver)
Any old cider.
1 medium sized onion.
2 handfuls of Dawkins mushrooms.
2 carrots.
2 cloves of garlic.
2 stalks of celery.
2 or 3 rashers of bacon (optional - I don't really 'do' bacon, too salty, processed so therefore unhealthy. If you do want to add bacon just chop up and fry with the onion in the stewing pot.)
Thyme. (sprigs or dried)
Coarse Dijon mustard.
Seasoning to taste.

Mashed potato to serve.

Everything's 'underrated' now isn't it? Elvis Presley - used to be the King Of Pop, been dead for about a thousand years, hasn't had a hit in even longer. No one knows who he is. I carried out an experiment recently where I handed out pictures of 'Elvis' to total strangers on the street. Not one of the ten thousand people I spoke to recognised the former 'King of Pop.' So yeah, Elvis, totally underrated. I'll tell you what else is 'underrated' apart from Elvis, Stereolab, and Radiohead: Rabbit stew. Actually Rabbit isn't 'underrated' at all, rabbit is probably appreciated about as much as it deserves. It's all right, it's just not as nice as fillet steak. So, fucking rabbit stew. First things first. Off you go down to the bottom of the garden, to the wabbit hutch, where your five year old daughter's beloved bunny wunny lives. Sorry Mr Flopsy Mopsy, but you had it coming.

Of course, you don't really need to kill the pet bunny wunny. What you need to do is go to the butcher. The butcher will sell you a rabbit for around a fiver, if you're lucky, the rabbit will be dead and jointed (i.e cut into five pieces) If you're less lucky the rabbit will be dead but not jointed, in which case you'll have to cut it up yourself. This isn't too bad but there will be a fair bit of blood, and you will look like a murderer. Incidentally, if you do have a five year old daughter you may not want to tell her that you are cooking rabbit stew. Five year olds think that rabbits are actually wabbits. Some grown ups think that rabbits are wabbits as well. Anyway, you may think that you are being terribly responsible in telling your children where meat 'really comes from,' but actually you're not, you are just on the fast track to unleashing a biblical flood of tears and you will end up eating fish fucking fingers. Okay, before you cook anything, you need to pluck out the rabbits liver and kidneys, fuck knows whereabouts the rabbits kidneys and liver actually are within the dead rabbit, just have a rummage around and you'll find them. They're the things that look like kidneys and liver. Got 'em? Nice one. Chuck the kidneys in the bin, along with anything else you have of value, and set the liver aside, erm Clyde.

Stews are, by nature, epic. So you need to be listening to something truly epic whilst you stew the fuck up. Hawkwind's 'Space Ritual'  should cover it. On its original release 'Space Ritual' was advertised as '90 minutes of Brain Damage.' Luckily, you've got the re-release double CD which should have about '2 and a half hours of Brain Damage' on it. The perfect amount of time - measured in 'brain damage' - to stew a fucking rabbit. Christ's chopper! Let's cook.

Slice up the onion, the celery, carrots, a bit of garlic, and the mushrooms. Now, if you we're making this stew for Hawkwind (underrated), as opposed to just grooving to Hawkwind whilst you heat shit up, then it would be better if you used magic mushrooms. Sadly these mushrooms are not magic. They are just some tired old mushrooms that you bought from the Costcutter. Anything but magic in fact. You see these mushrooms are Dawkins mushrooms. They are the enemy of anything poetic, they are rationalist mushrooms, not only do these Dawkins mushrooms know that God doesn't exist, they are also happy about it. Worse still, these mushrooms have never listened to Hawkwind before. These Dawkins mushrooms are awful. Oh. Now cook the Dawkins mushrooms, celery, onion, carrots and garlic in a little virgin oil  in a heavy bottomed stewing pot for about 12 minutes. Towards the end of this process chuck in a good handful of thyme. Shall I tell you what's happening now? Dave Brock is yowling out the 'lyric' to 'Lord Of Light.' That, my friends, is what the fuck is happening now. Brown the fucking rabbit. Oh God that sounds bad. It sounds like some sort of H Block dirty protest on the rabbit. Don't carry out a dirty protest against the rabbit. Just put the five pieces of meat into a separate pan (separate from the Dawkins mushrooms and other bits and bobs) cover in a little flour, and lightly fry on each side until brown. Thus 'sealing' the flavour of the meat. Oh yes. Once the bunny has browned remove it from the pan and place it on top of the Dawkins mushrooms and the other shit.

It's time to de-glaze. Let the de-glazing begin. Pour a little cider over the the rabbit pan, and turn the heat way up, once the cider is bubbling excitably, you can tip it over the rabbit, the Dawkins mushrooms and whatever else you've manage to accumulate in the fucking stewing pot. Now pour enough cider over the meat to almost cover it. Cover the stew with a lid and cook on a low heat. Only come back into the kitchen when 'Orgone Accumulator' starts blasting out. If you have any cider left don't drink it. Remember cider is not an adult's drink. It is a drink for children and tramps. So, if you have a child - give them the cider. If you have a tramp give it to him.

Okay, we're about 90 minutes into this stew which means that it's time to start fucking about with food again. More importantly it also means we've reached the Bob Calvert 'Orgone Accumulator,' section of 'Space Ritual.' I love the classic UA period of Hawkwind, (underrated) but I love the Calvert/Brock led 'Quark, Strangeness and Charm,' late seventies period even more. (underrated) Around the time of 'Space Ritual,' space poet and fighter pilot enthusiast Bob Calvert, also recorded a solo masterpiece: 'Captain Lockheed And The Starfighters', a concept album based upon the true story of how after WW11 the American Military deliberately sold defective supersonic aircraft to the West German Government, featuring 'space rock' and spoken word skits from Calvert, Viv Stanshall, Lemmy, most of Hawkwind, Arthur Brown - oh and Eno. (overrated) We live in paltry times boys and girls, paltry times.

Fuck! Shit! Hells oily eggs and Dad's gizzards. There's a rabbit liver on the loose in this goddamn hoose. Er. Remember the liver wot you carefully extracted earlier, well now it's time to 'joosh' it the fuck up. Chuck the organ ( or orgone) into a food processor along with two tablespoons of coarse Dijon mustard and blitz. Now, to pack a punch add the blitzed up liver to the stew. Leave the whole fucking shebang cooking on a low, low heat for another hour, or until you hear 'You Shouldn't Do That' bursting out of your kitchen at the end of CD2 of 'Space Ritual.'

If Hawkwind are saying 'You Shouldn't Do That.' I'd listen to them, cos whatever you're doing must be pretty bad if Hawkwind are telling you to stop doing it. The stew is done, so is 'The Space Ritual.' You should definitely try rabbit stew at least once, even though you probably won't score with a lady with this recipe (if you do then she's a keeper) and if you haven't heard 'Space Ritual' you should give that a go too. Okay, Plate. The. Fuck. Up. Hang on, what's this appearing before me, perhaps all that Hawkwind exposure has had a positive effect on the Dawkins mushrooms, what is this apparition before mine eyes? as I lean over the stew I am sure I can see the image of a face forming in the broth. The face of a man with long hair and a beard. Is it Christ? No it is not. It is the face of Dave Brock. Oh yeah, serve with mashed potato. Bon Appetit.



                                           Can you see this man's face (Dave Brock below) in
                                           the rabbit stew? (above) I can.